maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
