why didn't you poke me back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
