I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They are going to name an STD after you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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