Hey man sorry I got all grabby
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize