i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
