I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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