So drunk, too bad you don't want this
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
