Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
