I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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