I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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