i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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