I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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