the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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