Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
