I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
