Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
