And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
