I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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