check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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