Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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