i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
