she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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