I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with two different species that night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
