you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
