I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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