are you still at the devil's house?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
