He kissed a someone with a penis
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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