so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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