i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
