I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
