Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
