did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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