i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
