This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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