He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
