Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
