the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
