All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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