either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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