Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
