we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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