yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
