He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
