you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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