I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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