i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
