The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
