problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
