If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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