Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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