I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
