If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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