May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
