My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
