I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
