It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
