youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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