Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
