We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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