get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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