He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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