it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
