i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
