She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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