you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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