Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
