She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
